A note about fear, and why I'm afraid.

It only just occurred to me that I wanted to talk about this. I sat, wrapped in my duvet, crying and sniffling about how afraid I was about the future. About a job interview, about moving somewhere new, about meeting new people... about the unknown. I want to talk about fear. 

Some people say fear is good for you. Even in Friends, Chandler and Joey tell Rachel about 'The Fear' - about how she should quit her job, and use that 'fear' as inspiration to push towards something new. She does. Chandler himself admits that he, is too afraid. I feel like Chandler. I'm too afraid. I've been on interviews before, in a city that I want to be in, closer to my partner, who means everything to me -  but today, I felt stiff with emotion, afraid of what would happen if I didn't get the job, but also, whats if I did? It would mean leaving my parents, my friends, my current job and moving to a new city, and probably sharing a house with people that I don't know. It wasn't even that I thought a lot about this job interview that I'm meant to be having tomorrow - and maybe that's the concern. The job didn't cross my mind. Only today did I discuss it, and realise, what a horrific mistake it was to apply for such a job. I'm not made of stern enough stuff to do a job like that. I'm too emotional, and I get far too attached to everyone that I meet. Basically, I care far too much, and whilst it's amazing to feel so much for so many, it's also very, very exhausting. A very good friend of mine and her boyfriend broke up, after almost five years together, after he admitted to cheating on her for several months - the news pretty much almost broke my heart, and I couldn't look at my boyfriend (who is pretty much the best person I have ever met) in the eye for quite a few days. 

Everything is personal. I feel the pain of everyone I know, far too much. Feeling like that doesn't scare me; but realising that I'm ageing, with no specific direction in mind, and a serious sense of anxiety that starts to creep over me any time someone mentions the future - that scares me. I know that some people can harness their fear, and there are so many inspirational quotes about overcoming fear ('Do one thing each day that scares you') but what it doesn't tell you, is how to overcome it. I'll admit that I'm scared of the unknown and making the wrong choices, as I already know that I chose the wrong subject to do my degree in (history, btw). I chose something that I loved, and that, in the end, was the worst thing, as it left me with no direction. 

I don't want to make a mistake, at all, ever. I know that people grow from mistakes, and I do too, but I hate making them. I get shaky and sweaty, and then comes the realisation that instead of doing new things, which may cause a mistake, I just won't do it. Therefore any mistakes that I make, are small and inconsequential. The fear of failing and admitting that I've done wrong are holding me back. It's holding me back from moving, saving and living with the person who makes me feel like the fear doesn't exist all the time. The fear has had a hold on me for a long, long time and whilst i'm trying to overcome it, I'm still scared. I hope that one day I'll have the guts to get that new job, new place to live and make new friends in a new city.

This is all a bit *mad keyboard smash* so hopefully it makes sense... it's just something that's been bothering me for a long time. 

The one wash eyeshadow: Seventeen's Rose Quartz

I love a good eyeshadow that doesn't require a lot of effort. I call it 'lazy day makeup', and when I have one of those days, only a one wash eyeshadow will do. Who can be fussed with layering shadow after shadow on top of each other, blending, blending, blending until it looks awesome? I can on most days, but as it takes a while to get the look that I want, this is where Seventeen's Eyeshadow Mono comes in, and at less than £4 each (here), these are some incredible value eyeshadows from the chemist/drugstore. I'm a huuuuuge Seeventeen fan, and with their constant release of wonderful products, it makes you wonder why you'd ever pay more than £10 for something, when you can revel in the amazing quality of these products. The main reason why I pay a great deal for a product is a mixture of packaging and quality, also a little bit of the name thrown in, as owning Charlotte Tilbury makes my life a little better. I appreciate the High End spectrum of products as much as I can, but the Drugstore will always have my heart. From when I was young, picking up a lipstick or two from Maybelline, Collection 2000 or Seventeen always gave me such a thrill - and when you can get the same thrill and change from a £5, who can say no to that? Of course there's the danger of simply buying every single shade from every single range, but I see no harm in treating myself to something when I'm having a less than fabulous day. 

Enter Rose Quartz, an eyeshadow that looks as gorgeous in the pan as it does swatched (see below). In the pan it looks light and sweet, but when worn, there's a almost taupe/greyness to it that I cannot get enough of. It hits with the sparkle all over the lid, but almost descends into a certain smokiness in the crease, as the dark particles of pigmentation settle into the darkness of the eye socket, and make you look as though you've spend ages blending a taupe shadow lightly into your crease. Well, let me tell you, I dapped my brush in, swept it over the lid, blended it out with another brush, and that was it. One dab into the pan, per eye and I was one. There aren't many eyeshadows that I can say that with, but this is quickly becoming a fast favourite, and a go-to for quick, hassle free makeup. The only thing better is that it lasts all day, and I've found that it doesn't crease greatly, so primer or no primer, this stayed on all day with me, making me think that for less than £4, this eyeshadow should be raved about! Is anyone else loving this product or anything else from Seventeen? Let me know!

The matte bronzer for pale skinned girls from The Body Shop.

Bronzer for pale skin? Yep. It's a thing. Years ago, for me, bronzer meant orange and sparkly... two things that didn't suit my face at all, unless the sparkles were on my eyelids. But now, with an influx of matte bronzers from all manners of brands, I'm going to speak about one of the first ones that I bought and consequently fell in love with; The Body Shop's Honey Bronze Bronzing Powder in 02. I chose 02 because I was rocking a tan (a tiny bit of a sun kissed glow) from my holiday back in May, and I was determined to keep up the look, as it made me look well and alive (two things I always tend to look for in makeup these days). Despite the colour being 02, and not 01, it's still not orange or too dark, if anything I prefer it to 01 because it does give me that bit of colour, despite my tan having faded. My pale skin doesn't have to worry about looking orange, or having to deal with those dreaded orange lines (tide marks) which I used to have when I slapped foundation on my face at age 13, three shades too dark for my skin. But oh well, we live and learn. 

This is such a subtle colour and one that I find myself turning to day after day, as although it's matte it still gives a little glow, which is perfect for when you want to apply a little makeup, but not have to concentrate too much on it - i.e. the lazy girl's approach to makeup and bronzer. This Honey Bronzer is well loved, so much so, I didn't even wait to photograph it in it's pristine newness, I just swirled my Real Techniques Powder Brush around in it, and started applying. It's a very soft, gentle powder that can easily be layered to increase the amount of definition that you want on your face. All in all, for me, it's a must have for pale girls, because even going into Autumn/Winter, there will still be that want for a bit of colour on the face - and this offering from The Body Shop, is the answer. It's £13 (here) and it's adorable honeycomb pattern makes you want to savour it - but don't, it's amazing formula will blow your mind. The bronzer did originally appear in four shades, but now it's been extended to six, so there is a great deal more choice for different skin tones. If you're unsure however, I would recommend looking into making a little trip to your nearest The Body Shop; however, if you can't, I would definitely recommend looking into doing a bit of research on swatches. I knew 01 and 02 would be the fair/light shades for me, so it only took a bit of narrowing down, I would say 03 and 04 are for light/medium skin tones whilst 05/06 are more for medium/dark skin tones, although I would definitely think that finding a blogger with a similar skin tone would be beneficial. 

Laa from Dolce Vanity used the shade 04 Deep Matte in this post here but I'm not sure as to whether the shade numbers have been changed. I wish there was a more complete swatch selection but with the inclusion of all six shades, not just four. If anyone does have a selection of all six shades, I would love to include it in this post.