Why I fell out of love with blogging, and what's changed.

This post isn't going to centre around the blogging community, but mainly about myself... with maybe a bit of soul searching/whining thrown in (just because it's fun), but mostly, about why I felt like I had no energy or desire to blog/write/take photographs. I think the reasons why I was so uninspired was because that I felt like my photography/writing/content was soooo lacking compared to others (and I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves, but we all do it). I love photography, and love trying out new styles, but with amazing men/women/people creating amazing things, I just felt like I couldn't compete. So, I took a break... or temporarily gave up, depends on how you look at it. I've worked loads, travelled a tiny bit with my boyfriend, and as I write this, I'm four days away from my Holiday to Menorca (yay) and I'm trying to sort some Autumn/Winter holiday posts, before I lose all hope and pack away all my sandals, never to be seen again until next year.

So yeah, I gave up. There was/is something better at writing, at photography and styling blog posts, someone prettier and wittier... so where do I fit in? I figured out, that I didn't. Hence the no blog posts for a month (sorry about that, my loves) but now i'm hoping that this post, here, will be the start of something new for me. I just hated everything. My ideas, my writing, my photography (especially that) were all terrible and not good enough - I'm terrible in the sense that if I'm terrible at something, I'll usually give up unless I'm forced to continue onwards. But with blogging, it's different. It's a hobby, and something that's left a really big void in my life - yeah, there's only so much Netflix a girl can watch before it's just enough. But one day, I felt like I could take good pictures. The light was good, and I felt inspired. 100 pictures later, I felt like I had something good enough to post, and something I was actually proud of (which was a big deal for me, considered that my last big bout of picture taking was in July, and I basically hated them all). But now, with the turn of the season, OKK is going to have a voice again, and although it may not be as big, or important or life changing as others, it's mine, and I want to use it.

I've decided on a photography style that works for me (see above, what do you think?) and my writing style, which tends to just be me rambling about what I love and dislike, is going to be somewhat the same as before... hey, it's my voice right, may as well be true to myself. Plus, I wanted a new mascara, and because I've been so unengaged from the blogging world, I had no idea what products people were loving, so... I took a long time to nose around Boots before deciding on one by L'Oreal, as their mascaras tend to always suit me very well. But I basically had nooooo idea, and I hate that. So, back to the blogging world I go, and please leave me links to your blogs, I need to get back into reading all the wonderful beauty/lifestyle centric posts.

My Weekly Skincare Saviours

Three products that my skin has been drinking in this week (I blame the weather for making my skin so dry) are not ones readily found in the drugstore (sadly, my local Boots doesn't have Origins, so ordering online is the only way to go). Jurlique, Caudalie and Origins are full of natural goodness and so damn refreshing that I cannot get enough of them. I really dislike when the weather makes my skin so dry, that I break out into blemishes and eczema - as who wants to be spotty and itchy, with flaky, red skin? No one, that's who. So I've been trying to calm my skin, with cooling, natural-ingredient-rich products, and these three at the moment, are suiting my skin very well. Origins GinZing eye cream (£20, here - full review here) is a brightening, calming, almost flesh toned moisturiser that aims to wakeup the under eye area, and energise it with the scent of citrus, all the while, disguising dark circles and de-puffing. If I had a little fridge in my room, this eye cream would be in there, and I would slather this one my under eyes in the morning, so it could relax me even before the day has properly started (this is basically what I did on my holiday, and boy was it good).

Another product that's been perking me up, is Caudalie's amaaaazing Beauty Elixr (From £10.90, here) which is so damn refreshing that I'm spritzing myself as I write this post - gotta love that scent as well. This weather is making my skin soooo dry right now, my eczema is horrible, flaky and red... not a good look, but Jurlique's Rose Body Oil* (£38, here) is keeping my skin really hydrated (I don't think anything can help my eczema except steroids creams, sadly), especially my shins, which always seem to be really dry and patchy. Not only does it smell of roses (that gorgeous, non-artificial rose scent) but the bottle that it comes in makes it feel so luxurious. I love hard wearing glass bottles, and it doesn't hurt that they look especially pretty sitting on my dressing table (which at the moment, is the biggest mess ever) when it's all tidy and organised. I also sprinkle a few drops in the bath, when my skin is feeling especially dry, combined with the scent, it makes for such a relaxing bath. These three products are really helping to keep my dry, tired skin at bay and really make me look as healthy as possible. Gotta love 'em. What are your skincare saviours in this mix of bad/good weather?

Future Home planning with Pinterest and some pinning tips.

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Future Home planning is one of my favourite things to do, and with Pinterest, it's easier than ever to create and organise boards for the home of your dreams. My dream homes range from a beachside cottage to a super-sleek full of glass modern home, to one of those really rustic country homes... and let's not even mention the townhouses. Oh dear me *fans self* I think it just shows that what you want can change, and it should, because we as people are constantly developing into who we are, so why can't our taste do the same? There's a part of me that wants wood and earthy tones, but I also want everything to be white and airy... but cosy and snuggly at the same time. See my dilemma? One day, I'll have to decide... but for now, planning my dream homes in my head is one of my favourite day dreams to have. 

Recently I've become even more obsessed with pinning on Pinterest, and I really think that's shown in the amount of followers that I've gained. What I gathered from some amazing pinners, is that 'little and often' really applies well when on Pinterest. I'll pin 10-15 images every few hours or so, or whenever I fancy a scroll, and I make sure that my boards are really fun but relevant to the images within it. The two collages are from boards named 'Coffee table and living room dreams' and 'Desk Inspiration', which are proving to be two of my most popular boards - I think everyone just loves the 'Pinterest aesthetic' no matter what the idea of that is, as it changes for different people. I see a lot of marble, copper, white, gold and grey; I think it's gorgeous, absolutely beautiful... but that doesn't appeal to everyone. I like to think that my pins are a reflection of my taste, but I also just love including pins that look like something I never would have thought of.

I see Pinterest pages that are really sleek and really thought out, which is really impressive and amazing to see. Mine aren't really like that, per se, although I do like to arrange my most popular boards so that they sit at the top of my page, and then change the cover image every week or so, just to keep everything looking fresh and exciting. My boards are just what inspires me, and what I want to see - and I think that's the most important tip of all, pin what you want to pin, not what others are doing. I see trends for pastel hair and talon esc nails - both gorgeous trends, but not really my thing. I'll pin a few of those images, but for me, I wouldn't pay enough attention to them to make them entire boards. Create what you love, not what you feel like you should love. (Shameless plug for my Pinterest)

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My go-to: COLAB Dry Shampoo in New York and Rio

Dry shampoo is a thing that I wasn't aware of until I started University. Late nights and early mornings meant that there was less time to wash my hair, as I would roll out of bed, throw something presentable on, wash my face, apply a little bit of makeup and attempt to control my grease mop of hair - all before rushing off to a 9am lecture. Since then, I've tried all manner of dry shampoos, from expensive to those ones you can pick up in £1 shops - all in the name of finding the best one for the job, and what I've realised is that they majorly dry my scalp out, like dandruff-flaky-scalp-dry, and that's not good at all. So in reducing my consumption of dry shampoo, I've discovered the ones that do the job best, 2-3 times a week, are those from CO-LAB, a brand created by Ruth of A Model Recommends, who not only has amazing hair, but taste in beauty products, so I knew that as soon as I saw them, I needed to give them a try. Not only is the formula sheer, but these Extreme Volume offerings plump up the hair, making lank locks look gorgeous and workable - basically, it gives my hair a bounce, and actually makes it look like I didn't roll out of bed 20 minutes prior. 

With sophisticated and fashionable packaging, these dry shampoos are easy to carry everywhere with you (they come in different sizes for handbags etc) and are totally instagrammable. My favourite two are Rio, a wonderful tropical fragrance in a gorgeous teal colour that my mum can't help but 'borrow' from me (I said borrow, I mean steal and not give back) and New York, a soft fruity fragrance in a bright coral casing. Whether you purchase normal or their Extra Volume shampoos, CO-LAB have hit the nail on the head with their niche of invisible formulas, fun fragrances and swish designs; they've created a formula that I cannot be without, as who wants to wash their hair every other day? So dull, and it takes up so much time. Especially for me, as I tend to shy away from using a lot of heat on my hair during the warmer months, when it can just dry naturally. Which leaves me with lots of wavy hair, and when I use the Extra Volume dry shampoo on wavy hair, it makes everything look more bouffant; my manger in work even asked if I'd had a blow-dry (how's that for volume, huh?). I snapped up these two bottles when they were on offer, but when they're not, they retail for £4.49 each (Rio and New York, and the whole range can be seen here). I don't think there's anyone better than Ruth herself, to model her range, as we see her in her Youtube video's with hair in all manner of style, but I bet these bottles are definitely coming in handy with her new baby. 

The Process of how I apply my dry shampoo (it's nothing groundbreaking, but I always like to be nosy and know how people apply things hehe);

To apply, I brush my hair, making sure there are no tangles or knots, before sectioning parts of the hair with my fingers, and spraying the roots from a good distance away (about 20-30cm will do). Once I've done each section, I pin everything back and continue with my makeup, before running my fingers through my hair, making sure everything has been absorbed. Then with a quick finger back-comb, or a quick brush through the ends of my hair, I'm done! It's simple, non-sticky and since it's a sheer formula, there's no mad brushing, or blending to get rid of the white powdery streaks (I'm looking at you, Bastiste). I always try and leave a few minutes before applying, and then styling my hair, but you're in a mad rush, then you can style right away.

Have you tried anything from the Co-Lab range? Let me know what you think. 

A note about fear, and why I'm afraid.

It only just occurred to me that I wanted to talk about this. I sat, wrapped in my duvet, crying and sniffling about how afraid I was about the future. About a job interview, about moving somewhere new, about meeting new people... about the unknown. I want to talk about fear. 

Some people say fear is good for you. Even in Friends, Chandler and Joey tell Rachel about 'The Fear' - about how she should quit her job, and use that 'fear' as inspiration to push towards something new. She does. Chandler himself admits that he, is too afraid. I feel like Chandler. I'm too afraid. I've been on interviews before, in a city that I want to be in, closer to my partner, who means everything to me -  but today, I felt stiff with emotion, afraid of what would happen if I didn't get the job, but also, whats if I did? It would mean leaving my parents, my friends, my current job and moving to a new city, and probably sharing a house with people that I don't know. It wasn't even that I thought a lot about this job interview that I'm meant to be having tomorrow - and maybe that's the concern. The job didn't cross my mind. Only today did I discuss it, and realise, what a horrific mistake it was to apply for such a job. I'm not made of stern enough stuff to do a job like that. I'm too emotional, and I get far too attached to everyone that I meet. Basically, I care far too much, and whilst it's amazing to feel so much for so many, it's also very, very exhausting. A very good friend of mine and her boyfriend broke up, after almost five years together, after he admitted to cheating on her for several months - the news pretty much almost broke my heart, and I couldn't look at my boyfriend (who is pretty much the best person I have ever met) in the eye for quite a few days. 

Everything is personal. I feel the pain of everyone I know, far too much. Feeling like that doesn't scare me; but realising that I'm ageing, with no specific direction in mind, and a serious sense of anxiety that starts to creep over me any time someone mentions the future - that scares me. I know that some people can harness their fear, and there are so many inspirational quotes about overcoming fear ('Do one thing each day that scares you') but what it doesn't tell you, is how to overcome it. I'll admit that I'm scared of the unknown and making the wrong choices, as I already know that I chose the wrong subject to do my degree in (history, btw). I chose something that I loved, and that, in the end, was the worst thing, as it left me with no direction. 

I don't want to make a mistake, at all, ever. I know that people grow from mistakes, and I do too, but I hate making them. I get shaky and sweaty, and then comes the realisation that instead of doing new things, which may cause a mistake, I just won't do it. Therefore any mistakes that I make, are small and inconsequential. The fear of failing and admitting that I've done wrong are holding me back. It's holding me back from moving, saving and living with the person who makes me feel like the fear doesn't exist all the time. The fear has had a hold on me for a long, long time and whilst i'm trying to overcome it, I'm still scared. I hope that one day I'll have the guts to get that new job, new place to live and make new friends in a new city.

This is all a bit *mad keyboard smash* so hopefully it makes sense... it's just something that's been bothering me for a long time. 

The one wash eyeshadow: Seventeen's Rose Quartz

I love a good eyeshadow that doesn't require a lot of effort. I call it 'lazy day makeup', and when I have one of those days, only a one wash eyeshadow will do. Who can be fussed with layering shadow after shadow on top of each other, blending, blending, blending until it looks awesome? I can on most days, but as it takes a while to get the look that I want, this is where Seventeen's Eyeshadow Mono comes in, and at less than £4 each (here), these are some incredible value eyeshadows from the chemist/drugstore. I'm a huuuuuge Seeventeen fan, and with their constant release of wonderful products, it makes you wonder why you'd ever pay more than £10 for something, when you can revel in the amazing quality of these products. The main reason why I pay a great deal for a product is a mixture of packaging and quality, also a little bit of the name thrown in, as owning Charlotte Tilbury makes my life a little better. I appreciate the High End spectrum of products as much as I can, but the Drugstore will always have my heart. From when I was young, picking up a lipstick or two from Maybelline, Collection 2000 or Seventeen always gave me such a thrill - and when you can get the same thrill and change from a £5, who can say no to that? Of course there's the danger of simply buying every single shade from every single range, but I see no harm in treating myself to something when I'm having a less than fabulous day. 

Enter Rose Quartz, an eyeshadow that looks as gorgeous in the pan as it does swatched (see below). In the pan it looks light and sweet, but when worn, there's a almost taupe/greyness to it that I cannot get enough of. It hits with the sparkle all over the lid, but almost descends into a certain smokiness in the crease, as the dark particles of pigmentation settle into the darkness of the eye socket, and make you look as though you've spend ages blending a taupe shadow lightly into your crease. Well, let me tell you, I dapped my brush in, swept it over the lid, blended it out with another brush, and that was it. One dab into the pan, per eye and I was one. There aren't many eyeshadows that I can say that with, but this is quickly becoming a fast favourite, and a go-to for quick, hassle free makeup. The only thing better is that it lasts all day, and I've found that it doesn't crease greatly, so primer or no primer, this stayed on all day with me, making me think that for less than £4, this eyeshadow should be raved about! Is anyone else loving this product or anything else from Seventeen? Let me know!

The matte bronzer for pale skinned girls from The Body Shop.

Bronzer for pale skin? Yep. It's a thing. Years ago, for me, bronzer meant orange and sparkly... two things that didn't suit my face at all, unless the sparkles were on my eyelids. But now, with an influx of matte bronzers from all manners of brands, I'm going to speak about one of the first ones that I bought and consequently fell in love with; The Body Shop's Honey Bronze Bronzing Powder in 02. I chose 02 because I was rocking a tan (a tiny bit of a sun kissed glow) from my holiday back in May, and I was determined to keep up the look, as it made me look well and alive (two things I always tend to look for in makeup these days). Despite the colour being 02, and not 01, it's still not orange or too dark, if anything I prefer it to 01 because it does give me that bit of colour, despite my tan having faded. My pale skin doesn't have to worry about looking orange, or having to deal with those dreaded orange lines (tide marks) which I used to have when I slapped foundation on my face at age 13, three shades too dark for my skin. But oh well, we live and learn. 

This is such a subtle colour and one that I find myself turning to day after day, as although it's matte it still gives a little glow, which is perfect for when you want to apply a little makeup, but not have to concentrate too much on it - i.e. the lazy girl's approach to makeup and bronzer. This Honey Bronzer is well loved, so much so, I didn't even wait to photograph it in it's pristine newness, I just swirled my Real Techniques Powder Brush around in it, and started applying. It's a very soft, gentle powder that can easily be layered to increase the amount of definition that you want on your face. All in all, for me, it's a must have for pale girls, because even going into Autumn/Winter, there will still be that want for a bit of colour on the face - and this offering from The Body Shop, is the answer. It's £13 (here) and it's adorable honeycomb pattern makes you want to savour it - but don't, it's amazing formula will blow your mind. The bronzer did originally appear in four shades, but now it's been extended to six, so there is a great deal more choice for different skin tones. If you're unsure however, I would recommend looking into making a little trip to your nearest The Body Shop; however, if you can't, I would definitely recommend looking into doing a bit of research on swatches. I knew 01 and 02 would be the fair/light shades for me, so it only took a bit of narrowing down, I would say 03 and 04 are for light/medium skin tones whilst 05/06 are more for medium/dark skin tones, although I would definitely think that finding a blogger with a similar skin tone would be beneficial. 

Laa from Dolce Vanity used the shade 04 Deep Matte in this post here but I'm not sure as to whether the shade numbers have been changed. I wish there was a more complete swatch selection but with the inclusion of all six shades, not just four. If anyone does have a selection of all six shades, I would love to include it in this post.